Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tiny Dancer

I know you don't know why, but God Bless You! I don't know why, but I'm in tears right now as I type this. I'm listening to Elton John, and everything we talked about is coming back to me. What I told you about my dreams are real. You will never know how much you meant to me in my life. Probably at my loneliest time, when I felt like I could have done so many negative things in this life, you were there. Before the Y ever became a big portion of my life, you were there. Please understand that I was not a perfect person by any means. In fact I was doing some pretty bad things, stuff our parents would never know, and neither did you. But like I told you earlier, that didn't matter to you.

I can see you clearly now like you were back then. Your innocent face. Your big eyes, looking at me like I'm the champ, when clearly I wasn't. All I was back then in my mind now was this dumb, full of himself, middle school kid that took alot of things for granted and felt like the world didn't matter. I know now what an Idiot I was back then, and I believe whole-heartedly that this is why I have this need to help teenagers. I remember how I left and how much it hurt you. I know all of the things that you went through, and how you felt as result of what me leaving did to the family dynamic. Back then when you had your trials, I was scared. But still you would always smile for me. You have no idea right now how much regret I feel.

I know I can't change the past, and I don't want to. I just want you to know that without you in my life, I don't know if I would have made it to where I am now. I want you to know that I appreciate you, and everything that makes you beautiful. Your children are such a blessing to me, even though I can't see them that much. They remind me of a more innocent time in life, when we were young. I don't ever want to be a stranger in your life. I pray now like I did back then that you would be happy and that no one hurts you. I will always unconditionally love you with all my heart, even though you are miles away. I got your back, just like I did on those lonely nights.

The only wish I have now is that you can hold me like you did back when we were younger, and comfort your crying brother like only you could. Those were some difficult nights Michelle, but you held me and kept me company. I love you Missy, and I hope we can see each other soon. Keahi

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

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