Tuesday, August 25, 2009

The Good Things All Around

So, I'm into the process of making in-roads with all the students at Atherton. It's a diverse group of people made up of international, mainland, and local kids from the outer islands, with maybe a few Oahuans here and there. Most are willing to make the effort to say hi, shake your hand, and make some conversation with you. I must admit that this place is really growing on me, and that I'm starting to get into a solid groove here.

Most of the way that I operate is to try and find some commonality with someone and use it to develop a good relationship. I try to use humor to make individuals more able to let themselves go so that they are more willing to share something of themselves. I try not to force any situation upon someone, and hopefully they eventually get to the point where they start to get comfortable being around me. I think I'm going to need help remembering that some people may take things the wrong way, even though I don't intentionally try to hurt their feelings.

I made a mistake tonight with my mind. I didn't process something quickly enough, made a joke about it, then turned somebody off. Language barriers can sometimes be a rough thing, especially when you trying hard, maybe too hard. The hardest part of the whole thing was that I really appreciate this person and had a enjoyable time hanging out with them tonight, until this incident happened. They replied to my question, I didn't completely understand it, so I made a joke about it, and their feelings got hurt. Of course, I tried to apologize, but I guess it was to late. This sucks!

What was real hard to take was seeing the look on this person's face. It spoke volumes to me, and told me that I blew it with that one. Do I change what I normally do because I made this mistake? My gut tells me that I try to do what is right and not try to make too much of an issue about it with this person. I hope they find it within themselves to allow me another opportunity to make a positive impact in their life. This person is very kind and thoughtful, and I would hate to have to feel like I failed with this one. I think I'll be patient, and wait for the right moment to try and apologize again. I just can't stand the look On Your Face. It tells me I failed. Alright, I'll man up. Just remember, good things all round. K

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Pompitous of Love

Have you ever imagined what the true Dream Woman of your life really is? I'm not speaking about fantasies, lust, infatuation, or carnal desires. I'm talking about the woman that you share everything with, and I do mean EVERYTHING. That one person that knows so many things about you, that even blackmail is not the way to describe how much control she has. This woman knows how loud you snore. This woman understands you may not wash your hands after sneezing out hanabata before you shake her Daddy's hand. This woman knows how much you really like romantic comedies even though you say you don't out loud in front of your boys. We are talking about this woman.

Why is she a Dream Woman? The way I see it, I'm guaranteed going to share more than my bodily functionality and oddities with this person, and that's going to take a lot of time and trust. I've always believed this little bit of advice: the only way to truly be in love is to open yourself up so completely to someone that they have the power to completely hurt you like no else can. I imagine that's why it's taken me so long to get over my first love, if I truly have. I shared everything with that lady, all my hopes, all my dreams, everything I stood for, everything that made me the person I was. Damn right it hurt when I finally let it go, because to me, I think she let me go along time before. If you know me well, you know it's taken me YEARS. And I think a little bit of it lingers. Not alot so that I can't move forward, but just enough to remember.

So, you are probably wondering if I am moving forward. Well, history tells us that Mr. Keahi is a very slow mover when it comes to this thing. I spent six months just watching my first foray into love from afar, not making any moves. (stalkerish I know, but I had to be sure she wasn't a player) And then to top that off, we spent six months "being friends" without me making any big moves, just chilling. And then after I finally told her my true feelings, it took another 3 months just to get to the "relationship" portion of the thing. So yeah, I'm slow. I like to know what I'm getting into. I like to feel that I have a good judgement of character. I like to feel like I'm making sure that I give myself to someone worthy of the "Space Cowboy".

Yes, I'm being evasive, but if your still reading this, haven't you figured it out yet? Let's just say that I've gotten past the evaluation stage of my list. Yes, I've been working on this one for a long time now. Understand that there are many factors going into this decision, and that it's not as black and white as some people make relationships out to be. I know that this one values many of the same things that I do. I know that family is a very big thing. I know that my Hawaiian side will most def be represented with this one. I know that we could be something special. I just have to make sure we do it right. And I'm not rushing this by any stretch of the imagination. But I'll make you a few guarantees

She's gonna know everything about me, absolutely. She will understand everything that makes me tick and have the power to do as she will. But I have faith, my peeps. I truly believe that I can make it work. I just need to be smart, patient, and trustworthy. I think she knows, or we wouldn't have made it this far. I'm ready for whatever. Wish me luck! K

Friday, August 7, 2009

The Hall of the Mountain Kings

The night club industry can be strange. It's a place where people can live out their fantasies without really getting their hands dirty. People can envision themselves with anyone, at anytime, and play games with not only each other, but themselves. Some of the things that you see people become are completely unrelated to the thing that you normally associate them with, if you know them from another area of life. Guys pretend to be "Ballers" when you know they rode to the club in their Mom's Ultima. Ladies doll themselves up into whatever pin-up girl they looked at online or in a magazine, when normally they don't wear those type of clothing or makeup. And the big one: People act like they are something that they are completely not.

I guess the big question that I have being in this industry is why people want to change the way they are when they enter this "arena". Do they think they have to? Are they presenting some type of image? Have they got the impression that they have to do these type of behaviors to fit in with everyone else, who for the most part, are doing the same thing that everyone else is doing, pretending? Or maybe, is it their opportunity for the week to lose the other part of themselves and join a fictionally reality? Yes, I wonder about these types of things.

Let's clear the air of something before I continue. If you're new to my world, a few things about me you should know. I'm naturally a risk taker. Whether I'm in a club, at work, at play, risk excites me. I'm loud and fun-loving. I'm singing and dancing in every area of my life, at the Y, with my family, on hikes (unless I'm dead tired). I'm very demonstrative, when I want to be, no matter where I am. That's just who I am. The place I am located at doesn't determine the nature of my personality. My personality is the same all the time. Ask my friends, family, co-workers. They all have weird, crazy stories of me, all over the place, most I don't remember because they all seem so natural to me.

So I find it very funny that I now work in an industry that a lot of the people who partake of it act just like me, even though that's not what I know of them. The real strange part is when people need to "enhance" their experience (Alcohol, drugs, random sexual encounters, etc.) so they feel like they get the full experience. I find it hilarious! What comes natural to me, others need to augment and experiment to find this fun self. My guess as to why this happens is that the club has become the adult version of "Disneyland". (which I still find repulsive right now guys) It's that place where a person can lose themselves for hours and find happiness that is produced from others people's dreams.

My fun and my dreams are my own. Am I saying I don't enjoy the club? Of course I like it, more people are taking risk and enjoying themselves. I just wish that all of them would be true to themselves and act the way they would act outside the club, that's all. There's no need to front on who you are and why you are that way. We don't need to "blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-alcohol". We can be fun, honest people who like to have a good time, without acting someway in one place, and something else in the club. If your a club person, and you question why I wrote this, just know that I'm not directing this at you, unless you for yourself know that this represents you. I respect you all. Unfortunately, there are some people I have met(actually, alot of them) that are one way outside the club, and another way in it.

How did this post come about? Well, last night, someone that I have complete respect for told me something that blew my mind. I would have never suspected it from her. I've always held her as a beautiful lady with self-respect. What she said? Let's just say it was graphic. And my first thought, (after politely being the gentleman I always am and refusing) was "where the heck am I?" I was completely taken aback by it, yet that small whisper made me feel like I was in this place reserved for Kings or Gods, a place where men could have whatever women they wanted, whenever they wanted. It was a scary thought because I've never NEVER been the woman chasing type at the club. I leave that to Rick and the boys. But I know this happens to them all the time. However, for me, I don't want someone from the club. I want a woman from my own dreams. Someone who'll accept this over-fed, long haired leaping gnome for who he is.

But it was crazy y'all! It was almost like Eric Burdon and War talked about:

Spill the wine, and take that pearl!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tiny Dancer

I know you don't know why, but God Bless You! I don't know why, but I'm in tears right now as I type this. I'm listening to Elton John, and everything we talked about is coming back to me. What I told you about my dreams are real. You will never know how much you meant to me in my life. Probably at my loneliest time, when I felt like I could have done so many negative things in this life, you were there. Before the Y ever became a big portion of my life, you were there. Please understand that I was not a perfect person by any means. In fact I was doing some pretty bad things, stuff our parents would never know, and neither did you. But like I told you earlier, that didn't matter to you.

I can see you clearly now like you were back then. Your innocent face. Your big eyes, looking at me like I'm the champ, when clearly I wasn't. All I was back then in my mind now was this dumb, full of himself, middle school kid that took alot of things for granted and felt like the world didn't matter. I know now what an Idiot I was back then, and I believe whole-heartedly that this is why I have this need to help teenagers. I remember how I left and how much it hurt you. I know all of the things that you went through, and how you felt as result of what me leaving did to the family dynamic. Back then when you had your trials, I was scared. But still you would always smile for me. You have no idea right now how much regret I feel.

I know I can't change the past, and I don't want to. I just want you to know that without you in my life, I don't know if I would have made it to where I am now. I want you to know that I appreciate you, and everything that makes you beautiful. Your children are such a blessing to me, even though I can't see them that much. They remind me of a more innocent time in life, when we were young. I don't ever want to be a stranger in your life. I pray now like I did back then that you would be happy and that no one hurts you. I will always unconditionally love you with all my heart, even though you are miles away. I got your back, just like I did on those lonely nights.

The only wish I have now is that you can hold me like you did back when we were younger, and comfort your crying brother like only you could. Those were some difficult nights Michelle, but you held me and kept me company. I love you Missy, and I hope we can see each other soon. Keahi

But oh how it feels so real
Lying here with no one near
Only you, and you can hear me
When I say softly, slowly

Hold me closer tiny dancer
Count the headlights on the highway
Lay me down in sheets of linen
you had a busy day today

Monday, August 3, 2009

Dream Home

So for the longest time, I've wanted to live in a mountain retreat somewhere on Oahu that allowed for a fantastic view of the windward side, yet was secluded enough to be away from the city. I understand that this is Millionaire Man dreams, but stay with me here. Can you imagine the possibilities of living in a place like this, and the potential things that you can do? Picture if you will the ability to arise in the morning, have a great breakfast, throw on some shoes, then investigate the natural surroundings of your home. How about the ability to have your own hang glider and be able to just launch whenever you want to? Think about celebrating massive parties on your mountaintop and not have to worry about neighbors complaining about the noise. Being able to bike down the hill, survey the land, then drive back up with the truck you've left at the bottom for such things.

These are the types of dreams I have (for the longest time mind you). Part of this hiking craze I'm going through allows me to search out the various mountain peaks and see what is available. To this day, nothing has been able to compare with the secluded area at the top of Kamehame ridge. Located above Hawaii Kai, on the road that the Hang Gliders use to take off from over Sea Life Park, the land is curently owned by Kamehameha schools. It's in great shape from the last time I had been up there.

In a previous lifetime, I used to drive up to all these mountaintops and dream big dreams like this. As I drove up Kamehame Ridge for the first time, I just kept going because I was curious. There was an open gate, and even though I knew that I was not supposed to drive up to that area, I did anyway. I was surprised and excited by what I had found: the old Nike military installation, all busted up and graffitied. My first thought was not shame, but potential. I jumped out the car and made a quick survey of the area. The view was breathtaking! The natural indentation in the mountain that the old buildings were on would provide a safe haven to construct a beautiful home. It was secluded away from all the other homes by at least a mile. And you could just start exploring the ridges of the Koolaus!

Of course, the truth came rumbling up the road. Two guys in a Chevy Blazer stopped in front and asked what I was doing. I told them I was looking at my dream home. They laughed and said that I would need to buy the land from their employer, Bishop Estate. I guess they believed that they were crushing my dreams, but I told them that day, never say never. They said I needed to leave, so I jumped in the car, and I've been holding onto the dream ever since.

So I did some research about the place before I wrote this up. As you folks may have read, we did Makapu'u Tom-Tom, and I was able to see the new, renovated site during the hike. You guys want to know who runs the place now? It's the awesome people who run Winners Camp for teenagers . They have a forty year lease with Bishop Estate to be caretakers of the land and run their Winners Camp activities. How amazing is that! Guess what I'm gonna try to do now? You better believe I'm gonna try to be a volunteer for one of those camps. And who knows? Work hard, do good by people, do the work I was born to do, and maybe, just maybe, I can become the caretaker for that wonderful site. Can you imagine if I lived there, while I was running camps for teenagers? All my dreams coming together at one time? Stand back y'all! I just might have found my new calling. You folks have a good one!