Monday, September 14, 2009

With a Boulder on My Shoulder, Feelin Kinda Older

I guess I use this thing to vent and share feelings and I think that's a good thing. If I didn't have this outlet in my life, I believe I would do some irrational things in this life. This is NOT an option for me, therefore I need to find other ways to deal with anger in an appropriate manner. thus the creation of this Blog, allowing me to get stuff off the chest yet still remain great and lovable.

There have been a lot of changes going on in my life over the past 5 to 6 months. I have a new job, that I really appreciate and look forward to making successful. I have a new passion in life, which facilitates my need to explore new things and live an exciting existence. That has also led to a new blog that I'm very dedicated to maintaining and keeping current. I have taken on a HUGE responsibility in the volunteer group that I am a member of. This does not scare me, but I do feel the weight of expectation from the more knowledgeable members of the club, and it can be a little intimidating. But I'm completely willing to go ahead, try things, and if i make mistakes, learn from them. And yes, I'm working on that real special thing, but I just haven't figured out how to get it all together, mostly because I haven't been able to balance schedules out to make it work.

Make it work. I've always tried to make things work, no matter what the cost might be for me personally, financially, or physically. I want to do well in everything I try to be involved with, because I know no other way. I guess you could say that this post is a result of the little things getting in the way, thus making me wonder if the real big things that I'm responsible for are worth the time and effort. People are probably going to tell me to suck it up and deal with it, because everyone has problems, and they deal with it, and I agree. People will probably tell me that I need to prioritize and only take on what is important. I think the difference will be what I see as a priority and what other people see as a priority. Let me break myself down to you.

My number one priority in life is to find confirmation of the existence of God in the world. There, I said it. In my humble opinion, when you find things in this world where human beings have had no influence in the creation of (besides the birth of a child), it causes one to wonder about where things come from and why. I'm of the belief that the world of Nature is that key. Nature can't lie to you. Nature will always remain constant. Nature may change itself through the weather, volcanoes, earthquakes, etc., but in the end its still beautiful and amazing to witness. People may claim the scientific route for an explanation, and they have for years. I just believe that there is a greater power at work here, and for me at least, I choose to believe that God is responsible. So that's number one.

Number two is difficult to explain. I know what I want two to be, its just that I know its not right now, but I should put it in more effort. I want a wonderful wife. Period. Someone I can share everything with. (Read another one of my posts to learn more) I think I have a great person, but like I said earlier, it's complex. Let's put it this way: If she was in my life completely, she is Number two.

Since that's not the case (yet), Family becomes Number Two right now. But my definition of Family is very different than a lot of people's definition. Yes, my real Family is very important to me and I cherish them immensely. However, I choose to include the people that I'm close with in this category, even though we may not be actually related. Now I do have a problem sometimes that I include people I shouldn't in this category, and I admit this. I have a very inclusive personality that gets me into trouble a lot, because I haven't done all the background research on something.

Number Three is work. I love to work because I get to try and move people to the current Number Two. (I know, not a good thing) Both jobs that I do allow me to interact with all types of different people and try to make an impact on their lives. I can be a positive, happy, inspiring person that brings out the best in people. Fortunately for me, I was blessed with a very open personality and consistent work ethic that allows the people I work for and with the opportunity to trust me. I take this placed trust very seriously. I want to be known as a hard worker loyal to my companies I work for, and I hope I've done a pretty good job with that.

Number Four is doing good things in the world. Whether it be for others, the environment, or good causes, I believe that this is important to be connected to. I have been given wonderful to be a part of a great volunteer group that believes in servicing their community, and having a great time doing it as well. I truly enjoy this part of my life, the actual SERVICE part of it.

So, now that you know my TOP FOUR, what do you suppose I do with my problems. I know what some of you would say, but I know what it provides for me, so I don't think I should give that up. You guys want to know what I have been giving up? The thing that I want to make Number Two. I've been feeding the current Number Two, Three, and Four, that I haven't really worked on what I really want. My dreamed of Number Two! So what do I do?

Oh, find time in the schedule, right? Does that mean make time in the schedule, by cutting other things out? I've told my hoped for Number Two about my addiction, and I have a feeling she knows why I do it. And she still likes that part of me. People are going to tell me that I have responsibilities, and I'm beginning to think that there will always be those things. I'm starting to think now that I need to stand up for what I want in my life, and not for what others expect me to do in this life. Like I tell you all, I love you, but I got some things to think about. I'll be back. K